Helmets: Why are women allowed to NOT wear them?

India is a land of contradictions. We’ve got plenty of supercars, but barely any roads. We have sent a probe to the Moon, but can’t feed our poor. We hate corruption, but still feed it everyday. You know what, India is the capital of the land of contradictions.

On my last few rides there has been one question that bugged me quite a bit, why is it that girls are allowed to skip on the most important piece of riding gear? Why is it that if you are a guy riding helmet-less, cops will pounce on your ass and beat it dry, but if you got a pair of boobs they’ll just usher you right through, no questions asked. I don’t understand this at all, but here are some possible explanations that I think make some sense to some. 

1. Women ride slow, so they don’t need to wear a helmet

Hehehe, that’s a funny joke if I ever heard one. Any guy with 2 shits for a brain will tell you that riding is only 20 % about what you do, the rest 80 % is a complex mixture of what other people do, what the road wants, cows, dogs, and jaywalkers in equal parts, plus how much your two-wheeler hates you. Your speed doesn’t matter, unless it is over 160 kmph.

Riding slow is actually, in my opinion, more dangerous than riding quick. Keeping below the speed limit means that your behind is vulnerable to be shoved something into. So the next time a lady gives this explanation to you, tell her to shut up, make a sandwich, and wear a good quality helmet.

2. Multiple layers of makeup provides adequate protection against falls

I have never worn makeup, but I’ve seen girls doing it. It seems to start with something called foundation, and them moves over to shit that I didn’t care enough to remember. All in all, there appears to be 3-4 layers of substance on their face at any given time. That’s more than the number of layers in any good quality helmet.

Unfortunately, even these 4 layers aren’t thick enough to bear the brunt of your cheek grinding against the asphalt. I won’t tell you what to do with your makeup, and you won’t tell me stupid reasons not to wear your helmet.

3. Crazy hairstyles protect their skulls against harm

Have you seen these girls lately with weird 60s-meets-2056 hair styles? They have this huge ridge just above their forehead that could do well as a sparrow’s nest, followed by this crazy mesh of tightly knotted hair that looks like it could hold a ship’s anchor. As stupid as it may look, I assure you, it won’t do squat when your head hits the pavement.

Hair is nothing but dead stuff. You can wash them, sing lullabies to them, or tie them in elaborate labyrinths, they aren’t going to help you in case of a fall, at any speed above 5 kmph. So stop worrying about messing up your do, and put on a DOT certified life-saver.

4. The Government allows them not to wear helmets

OK, I have no idea why our fabulous Government made this rule. But listen to this, it’s the same Government that has bundled away billions, of not trillions of tax-payer’s money to Swiss bank accounts, it’s the same Government that protects netas charged with corruption, and charges cartoonists with sedition. It’s also the same piece-of-crap Government that sends their minions on foreign trips while the common man dies of cold, heat, rain, floods, riots, accidents, hunger, thirst, and stray dog attacks.

So, yeah, I would think twice before doing anything the Government tells me to do. Get a brain, and protect it by wearing a helmet.

Jokes aside, it is very very important that every women biker out there wears helmets, and proper riding gear. The road doesn’t discriminate, it will kill you regardless of your hormone configuration. My first girlfriend had a nasty fall once from her Activa, while taking a turn at 10 kmph. The only reason her face wasn’t bruised and broken beyond repair was that her helmet was bruised and broken beyond repair.

Ladies pride themselves on clear, spotless, remarkable faces, but on the other hand refuse to wear the one thing that will keep it that way. Always wear a helmet, and that too a good one, not that utterly useless non-stick-cooker-meets-a-football ladies helmet. Go for a full face one, without hesitation, and ride safe!